The Ecstasy of Existence

Not a post about drugs. Well, kind of.

Pleasure is one of my main personal values.

Specifically, a deep rooted and grounded pleasure that is pristinely and wholly mine. Entirely self-contained and free from the noise of others, this pleasure is sensual, beautiful, and enveloping. Its crystal clear tone resounds through my entire body. It spreads like a wave, and as it crests and falls, it saturates my entire animal being with contentment. It borders on transforming even the mundane to erotic.

This pleasure, I daresay, is commonplace. In other words, it is a daily occurrence.

Is she speaking about drugs?? Wow, she really took the definition of microdosing and ran wild with that.

No, I am speaking about the ecstasy of existence.

The pleasure derived solely from just being alive. The pleasure that arises as a result of feeling totally safe and infinitely loved. The pleasure that flows forth in a tune that is entirely sovereign and authentic. The pleasure that blossoms out of a life rooted in reality and the Earth.

Cue eye rolling and leaving the post. After all, this piece was written by a girl literally called Eden Harmony (aka Peace Love Granola) and she’s just living up to her name.

Jokes aside, reading about pleasure experienced in this way can seem ludicrous, impossible, or delusional. But contrary to whatever imagery you may have around ‘the ecstasy of existence,’ this pleasure is not some constant, 24/7 psychedelic trip.

We can compare substances to the pleasure I speak of, so that you may get a better understanding of what I mean. Please note that when I say substances, I am referring to both “synthetic drugs” like ketamine, MDMA, cocaine, etc. as well as “natural drugs” like cannabis, psilocybin, ayahuasca, etc.

Substance Derived Pleasure:

Substance derived pleasure is akin to a fast food experience. You don’t have to wait long for it to come, but when it comes, it’s hard to digest and nutrient poor. You might even have a junk food hangover the next day.

Drugs act by blowing you out of your nervous system’s window of tolerance, leaving you stuck in either hyper-aroused, stress hormone filled states of anxiety and overstimulation, or hypo-aroused, dissociated states of withdrawal and depression. Microdosing is not necessarily better either - it is simply a drawn out, chronic experience of the aforementioned.

Substance derived pleasure is commonly weighed down by other energies. It is often hard to discern the totality of a personal experience, because substances are mired in the collective energies of shame, taboo, and stigma. At the very least, there is dissonance on the personal level in the form of an oscillation between defensive resistance and avoidant bypassing.

Although it may not be consciously felt, the far reaching strands of societal and cultural energies are ever present and meddling when one intakes substances. For some, it goes even further, with thick, pervasive generational cords braided with toxicity being tethered to drug use.

Existence Derived Pleasure:

Existence derived pleasure, on the other hand, is like a gorgeous, multi-course, farm-to-table culinary experience. It’s set in the picturesque, bucolic land from where your food grew. It is full of life force energy, vitality, and health.

This is a pleasure that always occurs naturally within your window of tolerance. It arises spontaneously as you are in flow with Life. You are fully in your body as you experience all its aspects. It permeates your being until you are comfortably, lazily swimming in it.

This pleasure is a deeply personal experience. It is yours and nobody else’s.

At the same time though, it miraculously feels as if you are sharing the experience with…something greater than you. The Earth. God. The sensation flows through and beyond you into the vaster fields surrounding you. A magical moment transpires and all is in great unison. All is experiencing deep pleasure.

*** (see footnote on the use of the word ‘transpire’ if you enjoy etymology and linguistics 🤓)

Let me emphasize that this comparison is not meant to demonize drug use or make broad sweeping, negative moral judgements about those who use drugs. What I share here are my observations gleaned from personal experience.

I went to Berkeley and yes, thoroughly enjoyed the lingering effects of the 70’s and post Woodstock vibes during my time there. Exciting and vast worlds opened up to me through an education that crowned freedom, excellence, and integrity as its core values.

To my confusion and disappointment, the worlds that opened up through the use of “mind expanding” substances paled in comparison. The pleasure from drugs was shallow, fleeting, and chaotic. It felt depressing, exploitative, and disrespectful.

Maybe substances didn’t work well with my body chemistry. Maybe I needed to try them more than once. Maybe I needed to be in a different environment, or do it under a skilled guide, or ingest less but more frequently, or more but less frequently…the list goes on. Whatever the reason was though, I wasn’t too concerned.

What drove me instead was the following question: How may I explore all aspects of Life in deeply satisfying way that does not require me to compromise grounded safety, ask me to leave my body, and enmesh me with other energies that are not mine to process?

(And the answer couldn’t be ‘take the easy route and join a nunnery in the mountains of Switzerland.’)

The answer, I have found, is that life-giving pleasure comes as the result of doing the highly personal work of meeting what Life presents you. I’d say more, but that’s what my burgeoning body of work thus far has been exploring 😉

I hope this topic was of interest to those of you who intuit that there could be more beyond the collective pro and anti narratives around substance use in 2023, as well as those of you who are very interested in pleasure (who isn’t? 😈)

To real, grounded, authentic ecstasy or bust -

Eden Harmony

*** Footnote - I love that the word ‘transpire’ came to mind when writing this. I used it here as ‘to happen,’ but the other definition of transpire is 'what happens when a plant releases excess water vapor into the atmosphere.' Another type communion with the vaster field 🙃